pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
