so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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