Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize