Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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