Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
