You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
