Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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