brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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