Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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