Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
