Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
