Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
