her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
