We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
