I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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