No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
