god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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