I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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