I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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