i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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