What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
