The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
