Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
