she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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