Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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