Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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