Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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