i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
