im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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