It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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