I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
