i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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