I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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