don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
