i need an iv and a liver transplant
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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