The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
