He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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