What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
