Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
