Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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