You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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