found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
