I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
