maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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