Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
