Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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