I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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