plz talk dirty to me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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