i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
