I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
honey bunches of taint.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
