Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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