Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
