Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
