I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
