does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am available for nakedness
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
