Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
her facebook's as public as her vagina
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
