Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
