There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
