Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
