Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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