I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
