Four minutes until I can fart!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
