Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
