Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
