Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
