For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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