Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
