guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
